Faye Strawberry

Marching On

‘Eternity is a terrible thought. I mean, where’s it going to end?’

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead – Tom Stoppard

Time will end. Time will end with the human race because it is a human construct. It shouldn’t be as binding as we allow it to be, considering that fact. We live our lives to it. We’ve organised history according to all the different blocks of time we’ve come up with. Days are not just light and dark, but morning; lunchtime; 4pm; watershed; 11pm, when you are required to be quiet in consideration of your neighbours. Time is pressure. Time is exhausting. What would day–to–day life be like without dates and hours?

‘The time to worry is when the idea is so widely shared that we no longer even notice it, when it so deeply rooted that it feels to us like plain common sense. At the point when objections are not answered anymore because they are no longer even raised, we are not in control: we do not have the idea; it has us.’

Punished By Rewards - Alfie Kohn

Humans invent things which are meant as aids or conveniences, but they take so well they become unimaginable to be without. We over-accepted Hoovers and Pritt Stick so that these brand names are understood to mean any vacuum-cleaner and glue stick. I don’t even know the proper name for a Biro.

How is life understood without time? What was it like before?

‘The question What was there before creation? is meaningless. Time is a property of creation, therefore before creation there was no before creation.’

I, Lucifer – Glen Duncan

I am unable to think in a way that doesn’t include time. It leads me to wonder what else I take for granted and simply assume to be true and the way of things. I imagine time to be linear, but is it? Is it as simple and steady as we think? Hinduism’s story of creation suggests that time loops. Brahma creates the world, Vishnu takes care of that creation until the time comes for Shiva to destroy it, then it all starts again. Graham Swift talks about the human race’s ability to progress. We achieve new things and grow in some ways, but we regress in others. Maybe we can’t move on. Maybe we just stay where we are.

‘It goes in two directions at once. It goes backwards as it goes forwards.’

Waterland – Graham Swift

If Heaven is real, it is accepted that it is for eternity. Eternity is all time. All time can’t just be from now on, but all the time preceding that moment, therefore time must be more fluid and complex than we think it is.

‘There is no other day. All days are present now.’

The Great Divorce – C.S. Lewis

We talk about time going slowly or the hours going faster. That seems illogical, but maybe it isn’t. Maybe investing in the future is illogical. Thinking about today’s happiness often leads to hedonistic and irresponsible behaviour, but being happy on this day is equally as important as being happy on any other day. That is something to remember whatever you think about time.

‘The Queen said “The rule is jam tomorrow and jam yesterday but never jam today.”

“It must come sometimes to ‘jam today’.” Alice objected.

“No it can’t,” said the Queen. “It’s jam every other day; today isn’t any other day, you know.”’

Alice Through The Looking Glass – Lewis Carroll

Sweet Insanity

You know that I want you

You're delicious

I need nobody else

But I need you here

 

I always think of you

You're insane and I'm crazy

I always think of you

You're beautiful to me

 

You're dark

You're inspirational

You're generous

And you are loving

It's you I want

Come be with me

You're gorgeous

And intimidating

Say What You Mean

“I’m in love with you.”

I love the English language. I find it fascinating. So, I’ve been thinking about what it means to be in love and, more so, what it takes to be in love.

“I’m in love WITH you.”

The word ‘with’ suggests togetherness. It suggests being in love together. Does this mean that to truly be in love the other person must also be in love with you?

Being in love is incredibly intimate and personal. It is a deep, close connection. I don’t think it can be done with someone who isn’t close to you… but does that necessarily require the person to be in love with you? I’m thinking they’d have to love you in some form, but they’d not have to be in love.

The English language is subtle and leaves room for interpretation (which, in my opinion, gives it so much charm) but it is accurate. Even if you’re not both in love, you’re still in love with that person because I can’t see how you could acquire the level of intimacy required to be in love with someone without them loving you back in some form. They have to allow you, to some extent, to fall in love with them by allowing you to get close enough. It’s a privilege.

‘To make love’ is also accurate phrasing. Even if it’s between people who do not love each other, it is still an act of love. It contributes to creating feelings of love because it literally is making love.

Our language says what it means more than we realise.

The Struggle

I'm currently reading The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists and have just finished the chapter 'The Great Oration'. Robert Tressell presents Socialism very well, but the book is written with such bias. He discredits all non-Socialist characters by portraying them as unintelligent, cruel villains. It makes me mistrust him.

I wonder whether humans, all over the world, are capable of organising themselves better. Can we take care of each other better? Or would every system come with different, yet equally bad problems? Would Socialism work as well as Robert Tressell suggests? Could enough people agree so that a new system could be enforced?

I have been a 'fake student' at The University Of Warwick for years. I've loved it, but I'm ready to graduate and leave that lifestyle behind. I've been trying to make that happen but it's proving difficult.

My friends have been sympathetic and said "It's a difficult climate to get a job in at the moment," but is that really a good enough excuse? Should I be in an environment where I count myself lucky for my one-day-a-week job because I'm not actually unemployed? Or should things be better than that now?

I believe in myself, despite my insecurities. I would like to be doing fulfilling work and be taking care of myself and I know I am capable of that. Is it all about me persevering through the numerous discouraging rejections, knowing that it isn't just about me being good, but every other applicant being worse? Or is it the responsibility of my government to make it easier for me? Why is employment such a difficult state to come by? Aren't I expected to be working, as an able British citizen?

The Sweepers

A young man, a good friend of mine, is out meeting with a friend. They have been friends for years. They take a stroll down the street and she tells him that she has feelings for him and wants them to become a couple. The man feels awful about this because he doesn't feel the same way and hates to let her down. They part ways. It's gets dark and he's still wandering around outside, upset about having hurt someone he cares for.

He goes back to where he left her to make sure she's alright. Her boots are discarded on the floor. He suddenly realises that it's past curfew. He's distraught that his friend has been swept up. He's now out after dark feeling very emotional so I go out to find him. But the Sweepers find him first. They are now right in front of me. I start running through the streets and run up the nearest drive but the Sweepers catch up with me.

"There's no way out of this, is there?"

The End

‘The end’ is a strange concept. I’m not sure how it came to be. The end rarely happens.

It’s crazy how much we lose. Knowledge from school is forgotten. Keyrings and coins are dropped on the street. Clothing is worn out. Friends drift apart. Loss isn’t necessarily permanent, it’s just change. Not much really ends.

If you move away from a primary school friend, it’s not definitely the end of that friendship. You might encounter each other again at university or at the pub. Even if you don’t accidentally meet again, networking sites allow you the opportunity to get back in touch.

People have beliefs about what happens when you die. Many people take that to be the end, but no one knows for certain.

Not much ends at all. Things get recycled, sequels are made, couples get back together or become friends. Albums are chapters and broken-up bands can reunite. A lot changes, a lot is lost, interludes occur. Not much is certain or constant.

Waterland

I've been trying to find somewhere I belong, people I fit in with, something I believe in. Like being at church, with Christians and following Jesus. I am a Christian. I love being at church and I love the people there, they are my friends.

I've been searching for something I'll never find. It's not in my nature to fit with just one group. I want to be a good person. I want to live a life where I help others everyday. I want a life of respect towards everyone, including myself. I want God in my life. I need to do things my own way. I don't want to know all the answers and I don't want rules. I don't want them to structure how I live. I want to try things, I want to explore, I want to learn, I want to find things out for myself. I think the only way you can truly learn something is by knowing it for yourself, rather than by doing what you're told.

No matter what the circumstance you are responsible for yourself. I need to look deeper than my desires and how I feel at the time, to what I think is right. I've been called clueless before and it's true. I always have been. I've been trying to do things all sorts of ways, including my own but on a shallow level. I'll never be myself unless I be myself. I will always need people, I will need my friends and my communities and God but if I don't figure things out for myself and do what I believe is best over worrying about other people's opinions how can I have a good faith or my own life?

The Girl In The Cat Ears

My cat ears worked their usual magic of getting people to talk to me and recognise me. I love talking to strangers! It’s not that I find it difficult, but there are perks to using cat ears: last night I got to see a cat mask a girl had brought along with her and I often get to hear cat impressions as I’m walking along the street.

The cat ears were bought for me originally by a friend for the debut BeanBag play that I performed in. We went together to a fancy dress shop and I picked them out. I’ve come to feel like they’re a part of my identity. I know it’s silly but I love them so much!

Last night, a guy took them off me while we were dancing. I don’t usually let people do that but he seemed nice. Then he vanished! I got really worried and I told my friends I had to go and look for him to get them back. I searched all around but I couldn’t find him. Some people there I didn’t even recognise asked me where my cat ears had got to.

I returned to my friends feeling despondent until I spotted the guy across the room. I went over demanding my ears but he didn’t have them with him. I was horrified. He told me they were around somewhere and after some searching lifted them off the floor, wet from all the spilled alcohol. I was upset that they had been so mistreated but mostly I was relieved to have them back.

The strangers who’d asked about them were pleased to see us reunited, but not as pleased as I was!

With all my heart, I make this pledge to you.

I’ve been reading Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. It’s a heavy book and it’s the kind that has grown on me. It has such a bleak beginning that I found it hard to warm to, but the book has such soul that I’m really enjoying it and I’m taking a lot from it. I also had a deep conversation with a friend today about commitment and keeping promises you make to other people. The combination of these has left me thinking a lot about devotion and the outlook on life we have.

Our circumstances can be tough. They can drag us down until we feel we cannot carry on with how things are. Or we can see the problem and face it. We can accept how things are and be resigned to the misery they bring. Or we can accept how things are and make the best of it until they change. The perspective we have truly can make a world of difference.

The character Michael in Redeeming Love is a very good husband. He learned how to love by listening to God. When you think about the Christian wedding vows they can seem challenging. Can you really love them if you are always the one bringing in the money and constantly having to provide for them? Are you willing to submit to your husband? Will you remember to consider their point of view, even when you’re tired or angry? If you follow them all put together they are rewarding and will bring real joy. It is a partnership and you are united with the other person. You put them before all others and consider each other’s views with respect on each decision you make. Marriage is an incredible thing and requires true love to work. There is no way you can sustain uniting your life with someone without being in love with them. It isn’t only about the other person being right for you. Angel, the main character of the book, has a lot to work through, such as changing her outlook, before she can fall in love. Love is something you live every day. You need to be ready to love in that kind of way.

Love Hurts

When you love someone, you do not do what they want, you do not accept what they do and live with it if they are in the wrong, you do not stay around them for the happiness they bring you. When you love someone you do what is best for them, you give them what they need. That is your priority. You want their life to be the best it can be, that is what you devote yourself to doing. Sometimes it can mean being the person who calls them out on something they don’t want to know. Sometimes it means walking away from them for a while. It can be painful. You know you really love someone when you can do that. Love will bring you the strength you need.